Podcast # 448: Your Child Isn't Lazy-- How to Empower Kids to Prosper

This is a re-broadcast. The episode originally ran in October 2018. 

Do you have a teenage boy who struggles in school? Or do you have a younger son who you can imagine struggling in school as he gets older? He may be an otherwise capable young man, but seems apathetic and unmotivated, to the point you think he’s not excelling simply because he’s lazy. My guest today says that’s the wrong conclusion to draw, and one that leads to the wrong parenting approach to addressing it.

His name is Adam Price and he’s a child psychologist and the author of He’s Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe in Himself. Today on the show, Dr. Price argues that the real reason many young men are unmotivated is not that they don’t care about succeeding, but that they feel too much pressure to do so, and are scared of failing. We discuss why nagging and over-parenting simply exacerbates this issue, and how stepping back and giving boys more autonomy can help them become more self-directed and find their footing.

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Show Highlights

The prevalence of unmotivated boys in our culture and schoolingWhy simple unmotivation is different from depression or other clinically-diagnosed problems Laziness vs. fear and avoidanceAre more young men disengaged today than a couple decades ago? How boys handle stress differently from girls Why academic pressure is more acute nowadaysWhy it’s okay for boys to be late bloomersThe physical and emotional changes of adolescenceHow parents typically respond to this type of teenage behaviorThe dangers of overprotective parentingWhy your kids shouldn’t be treated like royaltyAn exercise to determine how much you do for your kids, and how to start letting them do more on their ownWhat it looks like to set boundaries in a way that also allows autonomy Why letting kids fail is absolutely necessaryHow parents should approach their teens’ bedrooms (in regards to cleanliness) How long does it take for these principles to start to take hold?Your primary job as a parent (hint: it’s not about making your kid(s) happy) How to get disengaged boys to talk 

Resources/People/Articles Mentioned in Podcast

The ADHD ExplosionWhy Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do to Help ThemTurning Boys Into MenBoys AdriftThe Male BrainOur AoM series on overprotective parenting“Is College For Everyone?” seriesThe Unique Powers of the Twenty-Something BrainThe Self-Driven ChildThe Best Gift You Can Give Your Children is Failure Lawnmower Parents Are the New Helicopter Parentshesnotlazy.comThe Unmotivated Teen (Dr. Price’s blog)

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