You and your friends noticed the red flags. Your family expressed their concerns. You were so caught up with the excitement of a new relationship that you didn't notice the warning signs. You're in a relationship which is making you miserable.
Why is this? Researchers at University College London say that feelings of love suppress activity in areas of the brain that control critical thinking.
How can you avoid potential romance pitfalls by keeping your brain on? Relationship expert Dr. John Van Epp is the author of How to Avoid falling in love with a Jerk. He says that you should use both your brain and your heart to learn your partner's F.A.C.E.S.
F.A.C.E.S. Five Key Areas to Know Before You Make a Romantic Commitment
Van Epp, a clinical psychologist who has worked with couples for decades and conducted extensive research over the years, found five key areas that are represented by the acronym F.A.C.E.S. Before making a romantic commitment, couples should be aware of the following: 1) family dynamics, 2) attitudes of a mature conscience and their actions, 3) compatibility, 4) previous friendships or relationships, and 5) relationship skills. You can use these five areas to gain a better understanding of a person's personality and relationship to decide if you want to be more involved.
Van Epp has recommended some questions that will help you to objectively assess what your partner is like, identify potential red flags and gauge your compatibility.
Background and Dynamics of Family Dynamics
Our family experiences have a strong influence on our attitudes and behavior in romantic relationships. The experiences that we had with our families of birth influence the gender role expectations, communication styles, and ways to deal with stress or conflict. In the beginning of your relationship, you can ask about someone's family. When the relationship becomes more serious, you should meet her parents and family members to observe their dynamics.
It's not necessary that she will repeat a family dynamic. While patterns tend to be passed down from generation to generations, the apple can fall far from the branch. You may be able to recognize a family dynamic and use it as a starting point for a conversation about her goals and her ideal family.
When you're trying to understand the dynamics of a family, ask questions such as:
Even if they're still married, are they happily married? Did both her parents work or did one stay home with the kids? What was their parenting style? How did her parents split household tasks and childcare responsibilities between them. What is the state of her parents' marriage? What was her relationship with her father? She still keeps in touch with her family? What family traditions were important to her growing up? Has there been a family split-up or estrangement? What was the atmosphere or mood of her childhood home? Were there any addictions? How similar or different are your families. Does she keep in touch with her family regularly? Does she talk to/see them often or rarely? Does her family actively want to spend time together or not?(A)ttitudes & Actions of an Adult Conscience
It's all about determining if the adult you are dating is healthy and mature. These questions are not neutral, but rather a way to find out if the person you are dating is mature.
What is the problem?
No comments:
Post a Comment