I was a very involved father when my children were small. I changed diapers and fed my kids in the middle of the night.I wouldn't describe myself as inherently motivated to do these things. It wasn't a paternal instinct to take care of our children when they were infants and toddlers. I did it out of love for them and Kate. I didn't wish Kate to have to shoulder the full burden of childcare and work while working.As my children have grown older and entered their preteens and teenage years, something has happened that I find interesting. I feel a strong urge to become more involved with my children's lives.I feel a strong urge to show them what adults do.As an example, I once sat on my couch and read. I suddenly had the thought: "I should help my children open their own checking accounts." I then took Gus, 14, and Scout, 11, to the bank branch nearby and asked them to talk to the teller. I taught them their Social Security Numbers and made them memorize them. I also showed them how to use debit cards and check their balances on the internet.This shift in my fathering was not just anecdotal. Anna Machin noted in our podcast interview that fathers play a special role in preparing children for the world outside of home.
Dad's Outward-Orientation
C.S. Lewis observed that while mothers are concerned with the immediate needs of their family, fathers must also consider the family’s relationship to the larger community. . . "A woman fights primarily for her children and husband, against the rest the world."Lewis' observation is supported by research. Sociologists have found that dads tend to have a more forward-looking orientation, which is one thing that differentiates them from moms when it comes to parenting. Fathers tend to think about the place of their children in the world, while mothers focus more on the nurturing, intimate aspects of family life.Mothers tend to be more cautious and to emphasize safety. Fathers, on the other hand, are more likely encourage exploration, risk-taking and independence. Fathers, for example, are more likely than mothers to encourage children to interact with strangers. Also, they're more likely to push kids out of their comfort zones.It's anecdotal so don't take this with a grain. But I have noticed that moms usually have their babies facing them when they use the chest baby carriers. Dads, on the other hand, often have their babies facing out. This is how I carried my children. The outward orientation of a father is evident in many places.Dads also communicate with their kids in a way that is more outward-focused. Fathers use a more varied and complex language and often refer to ideas and events outside the immediate family environment. Researchers call this a "linguistic link" that helps children expand their vocabulary and knowledge of the world.
The Younger Years - Father and Child Roughhousing Prepares Children for the Outside World
According to research, fathers engage in more physical activity than mothers. This has a positive effect on the development of children. It helps children learn how to regulate their emotions, which is crucial for social interaction. Roughhousing teaches kids to recognize when someone is tired and to know how to relax if the play gets too intense. Children who play rough and tumble with their fathers are more likely to have a better social sense with their peers. They have learned how to get along with others by taking turns, understanding limits and resolving minor conflicts.
Dads build the scaffolding for Teenage Independence
Dad's role in building a bridge to the outside world is even more important as children become teenagers.In adolescence kids begin to face the world and seek more autonomy.
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