Male friendships tend last longer than female ones.
In general, male friendships are less tense than female friendships.
Female friends are less tolerant than male friends of the foibles and quirks of their female friends.
Female friends can be more fun than male friends.
Men who have male friends are less likely to feel "friendship envy" and more willing to add others to their group.
If an alien scientist visited Earth and compared the male and female friendships, (see below for study references), he would reasonably conclude that the men's friendships are superior. It seems that the men have a distinct advantage on paper.
Yet, our society values female friendships. Men are constantly told they have a problem with friendships and that they should try to emulate women.
It hasn't been this way always. In ancient Greece, male friendships were viewed as ideal.
We must go back to the early 20th century and ol' Siggy to understand why women's relationships are now praised while men's relationships are denigrated.
Freud's Hydraulic Theory of Emotions
Freud's ideas have helped shape our view of the psyche. He continues to influence the way we view ourselves and our relationships, despite modern psychology's challenges.
Freud's idea of emotional repression, and its potential adverse effects on mental well-being, has permeated into the popular culture. Freud believed that repression was necessary to maintain psychological balance, but he also believed that talking with a therapist and expressing repressed feelings and thoughts could lead to better mental health.
Freud’s theories led to the creation of the “hydraulic theory” of emotion, which suggests that our emotions build inside us as pressure builds in a steam-powered engine. The idea is that if the emotional pressure gets too high, it can lead to anxiety and depression. We need to vent our feelings and emotions.
In the 1960s, the hydraulic theory of emotion gave rise to the yelling-therapy and the encounter movements of the 1970s. Participants were encouraged to be open and transparent with each other in encounter sessions so they could release themselves from emotional repression.
Even though encounter groups are no longer popular, their influence can still be felt today.
Hydraulic theory of emotions - the idea that happiness comes from emotional freedom - has become an important part of our culture. It is the dominant theory on how to maintain good health both emotionally and physically. We've placed a great deal of value on emotional vulnerability and disclosure in the West.
This is where female friendships really shine.
The female friendship advantage
Female friendships tend to be characterized by a high level of vulnerability and disclosure.
What is the reason for this?
Evolution psychologists say that the answer goes back to what women in prehistoric times needed from a friend.
Women needed most help raising their children. It was particularly true in ancient societies where women were expected to leave their home when they married and move into the village of their husband. She needed support from friends to replace her original family.
Women look for "alloparents," or individuals who are not the biological parents but who can help raise and care for their children.
A woman would not want anyone involved in the lives of her children. She had to go through a lot to determine if she trusted someone to be an effective surrogate mother for her children. This vetting process, which was based on women sharing their secrets and self-disclosing, led to a deep bond between them.
Although women don't look for alloparents when choosing friends, the pattern of self-disclosure continues to be prevalent in modern times.
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