Take the D Word Off the Table

Researchers wanted to know if the "proximity of food and its salience" affected how much was eaten. Jars of candy were placed in offices. Some were placed directly on the desks of workers, while others were six feet away. Some containers were opaque, while others were transparent. The study results showed that when candy was visible in the jars, people were more likely to reach into them, especially if the jars are close by.

The more you consider an option, you are more likely to take it up.

This dynamic is likely to extend beyond food consumption. This dynamic may even extend to marriage.

Brad Wilcox, a sociologist who has done extensive research on marriages, was interviewed on a podcast. He discussed the traits and habits that the most successful and happy couples share. He said that one of the traits of thriving couples is their commitment to not use the word divorce in conversation, even when they are having an argument.

Wilcox, in his book Get Married notes that, "In the State of Our Unions Survey," husbands who stated that marriage is for life, unless there was abuse or adultery, were more likely than those who stated that "Marriage lasts as long as one feels fulfilled" to be significantly satisfied with their marriages (or to call them'very happy.'

Wilcox points out that the results could be correlative, rather than causal. "Men and women who are in happier marriages are more likely to adopt an ethic of marital permanence because of the higher quality of the marriage," he says. But other research has shown similar results after couples have been tracked over time.

Couples who expect marriage to last forever will interact differently, particularly when tensions are inevitable. Wilcox said on the podcast that "Most marriages have some problems, but I think couples who keep divorce out the picture will be more able to overcome those challenges."

The option of divorce becomes more prominent the more it is brought up during an argument. This increases the chances that one day the option will be used. Raising the possibility of divorce only makes the situation more tense. This raises questions such as: "Are you incompatible?" "Is it unraveling?" and "Can we continue?".

While a couple's arguments can get heated, the stakes are not high. The couple may fight in a fierce way, but it doesn't seem like the marriage is at risk. Each spouse is committed to making their marriage last. This creates a feeling of security, and encourages them to work together on solving problems. They say, "This is going to be hard, but it's something we have to work through."

Couples often say that divorce is the only solution to their unreconcilable disagreements. Their differences may have been irreconcilable, but divorce became an option.

It's not superstitious or magical to make divorce the "thing that shall be unnamed," like in the saying "Speak of a wolf, and he will come knocking at your door". Not mentioning divorce won't ensure a happy and lasting marriage. When the practice reflects a firm commitment to preserving the marriage, the best chance of success is achieved.

Listen to Brad Wilcox's podcast for more insight on the qualities that make a marriage thrive:

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